Monday, December 16, 2019

What happens when optimal caregiving is not addressed.



Parenting is the one role we play in our society with little to no experience or education. The reality is that we "expect" adults to know how to parent based solely on their own childhood experiences. This has been true since, well since the beginning of time. How can we update the technology every three years and neglect parenting of the smallest human beings on the planet? This is an undue hardship for both parents and children. Ignorance is not the best teacher, it is the best platform to begin to learn more.  

An illustration of how the absence of critical and essential optimal caregiving practices for infants, toddlers, children, teens, and emerging adults impacts them is discussed below. Many parents (fathers and mothers)  do not realize the consequences of just having a "moment" of stress with their child can be life-defining.  While we teach reading math and other topics in our education system, we lack so much more in developing compassionate human beings capable of compassion and empathy.

Here is what goes incredibly wrong as a consequence of the lack of supporting human development especially childhood development. What is going on in the lives of children?
Brain Architecture podcast on childhood development.  Only on Spotify

This is one illuminating example.

Did you know that humans are the only species on the planet that has to be taught about sex? Human sexuality is essential and yet not supported in the US education system due to parental rights under the privacy act. As a result, parents who have not studied  Human  Sexual Development do their best however, children need more than a guess. They need factual information to empower their decisions, to allow them to develop a healthy self-awareness of themself as a whole human being developing into an adult. Education empowers versus ignorance which may put a target on their back for predators. Sexual education supports a child's awareness and development of healthy sexual boundaries.

The primary reason for this blog and focus is that information is empowering to transformation and change. The reality in the US is not everyone is having a happy childhood or even comes close to it 75% of the time. Addictions touch more lives than not. This derails the human development in children of parents suffering from addiction.

I am posting a video and several podcasts to illuminate what happens when caregiving of children goes awry.

This first podcast is a case example:

What happened to you? Part 1.  #85

"We all kind of understand that what happens to us as a child affects us as an adult. There is recent evidence that the way our childhoods affect us is so much deeper and more surprising than we thought." 

What happened to you? Part II.  #86

"If the terrible things that happened to you during childhood can affect your health later in life, how do you NOT live out the worst possibilities for yourself? Is that even possible?  In this second episode of our series about childhood trauma, we look at protective factors and resilience."

What happened to you? Part III #87

"This is the third and final episode in our series on childhood trauma and we're going big-picture. So buckle up, because the train is going to make stops in Rantville, Can YOu Believe this Burg and OMGtown." 2019. Nora, It's Terrible, thank you for asking Podcasts on Google Play and Apple.

As a consequence of ACEs in parents' childhoods, adults are often challenged to exhibit empathy and compassion towards their own childhood. Adverse Childhood Experiences are devoid of empathy and compassion. How could anyone expect otherwise? Children exposed to ACEs are not going to grow up to exhibit empathy and compassion when it wasn't modeled or bestowed upon them. Why? Because children mostly blame themselves for not being able to please or get love from a parent. They see themselves as lacking rather than their caregiver. This is how the cycle continues to yet another generation. Hurt people grow up and hurt people and not intentionally.

This is the most illuminating talk on toxic SHAME (Should Have Already Mastered Everything), how it begins, and how to neutralize shame!
Google Play and Spotify
Dr. Brene Brown on Shame on the Oprah Super Soul Sunday podcast.

Lastly, we can prevent lifelong consequences by becoming Trauma-Informed in our Society so that we assist those currently impacted and interrupt the intergenerational transmission of ACEs.

EVERYTHING BEGINS IN CHILDHOOD!

Occam's razor 

It is not a question of what is wrong with you, it is a question of what happened to you?

I live in Delaware (services available Globally) which has supported becoming a Trauma-Informed State by the Governor. Governor Carney Signs the bill.

Wilmington University addressed Trauma-informed care and implemented TIC into its educational programs in the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences. The psychology programs were the first to address this issue and supported the State initiative. Click here for the Trauma-Informed Care presentation.

Every human being is worthy of an optimal childhood to prepare them for life. We don't need to make life harder to toughen people up, we need to make it more compassionate to heal. Hurt people, hurt people. Healthy people support their own self-care and self-compassion and it flows over onto other people. Remember children learn by observing not lecturing. #BeTheChange.

Support our education system in rewarding Teachers like this one. 
Support trauma-informed education!

Healing actions to take. 

Find a counselor trained in Trauma. 
Practice mega doses of Self-care and Self Compassion. Develop real empathy. 
I love this app.

Read books to support understanding of what happened to your brain when experiencing trauma. Break the intergenerational cycle. Hurt people hurt people. 
Practice mindfulness and meditation the research supports these as path to healing brain trauma. My Favorite meditation for healing. 
Remember you are not alone. Life is not a spectator sport and together we all are the change! 

Dr. Mary Kay Keller





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