Monday, February 2, 2015

Romance and Relationship Tips and Talk!

Romance & Relationship Tips and Talk
Foreplay as defined by who?

Never has a word been so confusing between the sexes.


Foreplay as defined by men who think like men:

Foreplay defined by women. Women who by our very nature of our complicated brains usually have more on our plate than not.

Having raised three children and mostly as a single parent here is what I considered foreplay. I was delighted to find out that the research supports almost all of these!

1. Someone who shows up bringing more marbles to the game than they expect to take away. They way I saw it, I had five marbles to bring to the "game." One for each of my children and 1 for work/school and one left over for me. (I know it wasn't healthy. I have reversed it now and the 1 for me is first!) Anyway during my dating days what I noticed as sexy and even foreplay was a man who showed up and said, "How can I make this woman's load a little lighter." In other words someone who whether they got that I had way too much on my time or not was smart enough to know that lending a hand was the best bet to getting my attention. Someone who wasn't looking to drain the resources of an already challenging situation.

2. There was nothing sexier than a man in the kitchen cooking, a man in the bathroom cleaning a toilet, a man running the vacuum, a man who said, "you need a break let me take the kids for awhile and take them to the park, the movies, etc...(now of course being a single mom this one was for the man who I knew really well and felt safe with how he interacted with my children and not during the beginning of the get to know you stage!).

Think I am joking. The research shows that when the chores are equally divided the happiness factor in couples goes way up....unequally yoked takes on a whole new meaning when it comes to how happy couples are in marriage.

Nothing was sexier than a man who did not need to be taken care of or was looking for a mommy as I already had 3 children to mother. Someone who knew how to clean, pick up after them self and was there to be with... me. Sexier than George Clooney or any other Hollywood leading man, was a man who knew that helping out without being asked to help out and doing so consistently was the man of my dreams!

3. There is nothing sexier than a man who holds eye contact when he asks you how was your day. Give undivided attention when she is telling you how her day went and responds appropriately is sexy. Asking while you are looking at your cell phone, NOT SEXY!

4. There is nothing sexier than a man who looks at you like he you are the main course of his next meal (after employing 1-3 of course). Men when a woman asks you if she looks fat in her outfit (I know how you hate this question!) she is really asking, (are you listening?) this is the translation! She is really asking if you find her to be the most desirable woman on the planet!

The secret key to a woman's heart after the above foreplay is DESIRE! She needs you to be looking at her and only her when you are in public. The eyes meeting and locking needs to continue after the initial conquest if you want activity in the bedroom on a regular basis. You see she doesn't get that getting to YES is the key word for most men. She doesn't get once she is in a relationship that your mind is not as complicated as hers. The key is here that men and women relate to each other as they want to be related to, they are not speaking each other's language.

And by the way 1-3 applies to single women as well. Anytime a man can get into a woman's world he will become the center of her universe!

Having raised two men and one woman I ponder how we raise our children. It seems many relationships fail due to laziness. There are just too many people looking to be taken care of and before anyone posts comments about 1-3 above being about taken care of notice that 1-3 are about showing support. Women are responsible for their own self care however, are trained by society from an early age to take on care of the family and the rest of the world in addition to them self. Men are conditioned that being successful is taking care of the family by working and paying the bills. Rather than faulting ourselves we need to just learn new behaviors. Mature men know that making her happy is the key to opening her heart because you can't out give a woman. It's not in our nature.

In conclusion, realize that all though there are alot of people out there playing the field that a true bachelor is a bachelor because marriage means a lot to them. It can be a sign they take it so seriously, they are waiting for the "perfect" relationship, the perfect mate, the perfect time....

Recently I saw on Oprah a matchmaker who gave out some erroneous information. She said that men who were divorced are good catches because they know how to commit. First of all getting married and being committed are not the same thing. Second of all while she indicated that men do not like to be alone, are not as healthy being alone and do not live as long being alone. She failed to report that the research shows that while men do remarry within 2-5 years of a divorce they also have multiple marriages/divorces. Each time the length of time being married shortens. The men who are able to marry and commit are often the men who have been married and are now widowed. There was a reason Sleepless in Seattle resonated with so many. Check your facts before you LEAP!

All in all we cannot fail when we listen with our hearts! The person who holds the most power in any relationship is the one who listens well!

Dr. Mary Kay Keller
TEDxTallahassee 2015
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