Monday, February 16, 2015

Honestly, what are you really looking for in a relationship?

More than ever singles are staying single. I hear complaints from single people all the time. Why can't I find anyone? There are not any good "women" or "men" out there. The complaints are numerous as people go bumping around trying to find the "perfect" person they can spend the "rest of their life" with and ride off into the romantic sunset.

I recently buried my father. He like my mother was married three times. Their first marriage to each other ended after 22 years in divorce. Their second and third marriages were until death do us part. What I learned was that there is no happily ever after, there is at best a "until death do us part" experience, leaving at least one of the two people alone again. The search for "forever" is not based in reality. Life is full of constant changes and nothing stays the same, not your age, not your life and certainly not your relationships. Change is constant. I am writing a series of mini-books based upon a Life Skills program I developed many years ago. I am writing this series because I find a common theme with the people I hear from and that theme is adjusting to change. I will be publishing later this year. So keep coming back to check my listing of books as they expand. Read on below to determine where you are in the process of relationship connection.

Anyone can get married. Falling in love however is another matter. Many people are not honest with themselves when they call me saying they want to be in a relationship. The first relationship we must develop has to be with ourselves. We need to know what we need, what we want and more essentially how to be honest with ourselves. I am convinced divorces occur because of this initial dishonesty with ourselves. Many times what we really mean is I want sex, I want sex on a consistent basis and I want it on my terms. This is not the same thing as I want sex with someone I fall in love with or that I want to be with someone for companionship for the rest of my life so I don't have to face life alone. This is not the same thing as I want to avoid being alone. Relationships are pretty simple. What is not simple is the co-vert reasons we are motivated by to enter into a relationship. If we are not clear and honest with ourselves, as we will lack the capacity to be clear and honest with someone else.

I ran across this article and found it interesting. It definitely has a hook. What I find interesting is how many people fail to ask people about themselves. Many times we are so focused and intent on selling ourselves that we forget to show an interest in someone else. What are their dreams? What are they passionate about? What do they like or dislike? These are the things that intimacy is built upon, getti9ng to know someone else. Exploring someone else's world and sharing our own world is essential to beginning a relationship. Intimacy comes in three stages, 1. Interest and engagement, 2. Emotional intimacy and 3. Physical intimacy. Participating in all three of these stages and even revisiting them in a circular fluid movement is what keeps relationships alive and invigorating. This is not just true of romantic relationships, the same principles can be applied to your children and others you are in a non-sexual relationship with in your intimate world.

Answer these questions:
Where are you at in the relationship with yourself?
Where are you now in the relationship with someone else?
Or have you been in past relationships?
If you don't like the answers let's talk.  Click here for a confidential session today!

Please do enjoy this article and take away what you deem appropriate. 

Ask these 36 questions to fall in love?

Dr. Mary Kay Keller
TEDxTallahassee 2015
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