Tuesday, June 18, 2013

It's Not About The Nail (What women want from men and why they don't get it!)

This video while humorous in it's drama is the critical element of what is often missing between men and women in their relationships. Often women want to communicate with the men in their lives like they do with their girl friends. They measure the relationship by almost impossible standards. Women support each other, they have each others backs and they commensurate.

 Men on the other hand have been raised in a culture that demands action, competition and success from them. Qualities that do not translate well into a relationship with the women in their life. When men "expect" women to act more like men or women "expect" men to be more like the women, the battle of the sexes ensues and no one ever wins these battles.
Click here to read the read more about women and men want from each other and view this awesome video!

Women need to express to the men in their lives how they don't feel heard, it should be as simple and straightforward as saying, "I don't feel heard right now" or "I don't feel safe expressing myself right now." And when you want his opinion about something again you need to tell him this is a moment when I want you to listen, understand and then give me your opinion. However, if you don't like his opinion still take the action of thanking him for his opinion and listening rather than turning it into an argument as to why his opinion is wrong or shocks you. You still can make whatever decision you want however not shutting him down after asking for his opinion is more important to the longevity of the relationship. You can say something honest like, "Thank you for sharing that with me" or "that is one way of looking at it" or "that is something I will need to consider." Each of these is true for men and women.

My son who was about 12 years old at the time was riding in the car with me and I could sense he was pondering something. So when he said, "Mom?" I knew something profound was about to present itself. I said, "Yes, James?" He asks,"If men have such a hard time understanding women why don't they just read women's magazines? You know like your Oprah magazine?" I said, "Well you know James that is a great idea. I guess they just don't think about how to figure it out like you just did." Trust me men if my 12 year old son can figure it out than anyone else can too.

It is all about motivation. In our very sexist society I can understand why men struggle in relationships with women. We expect women to cater to men and meet their needs to the point where men often don't know how to meet their own emotional needs. Women often do so much of the relationship work that men are not given the time, the opportunity nor the encouragement to step up their game in the relationship. Women do it all and then resent it because they do. What women need to do is to step back a pace and allow men the time and space to get into the game. And by time and space I don't mean criticizing. They are not as good at relationships as women because of our conditioning.

What women can learn from men is how to be in the game and not take everything so personally. The thing about being raised in a competitive environment is men do not' expect to win every time. If a women wins all the time then, everyone she comes up against feels like a loser. People don't remember what you know they remember how you made them feel. My grandmother use to say, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Because you can't be both.

Men realize that when you put yourself out and you do what makes her happy you win, win, win! When a woman is happy she will do almost anything for the man she loves. While I am not saying give to get, it probably works when it is a consistent way of life. You have to pick your battle wisely and don't sweat the small stuff. And by the way - the same applies in bed as well. Give till it makes her happy, happy, happy!

Research shows the happiest relationships are where the daily chores are shared more equally. Nothing is sexier to a women than a man who can be competent around the house. Not because you are doing her a favor but because you really get that cleaning up and taking care of your home environment is what adults do for themselves. What is so sexy is that you are her equal and not her dependent.

Have a great day! Enjoy the video!

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