Dear Kay,
I have a daughter age 15 and age
3. I am at the end of my rope with my 15 year old. We have had problems
with her grades since 7th grade (currently in 9th grade). Now, she has
an F in 3 of her 5 classes. She is doing fine in Keyboarding and Gym.
She has been grounded all but 4 or 5 weeks since 7th grade due to her
grades.
Her behavior is very negative, almost bully like. She is kind
to her little sister, but mean to our dog. Her father has every other weekend influence but he sometimes misses his weekend due to his job
(bartender) and he lives an hour away. She does not want to go to his
house, but not for any specific reason other than she's bored.
My
husband and I always offer our help with her homework (when she brings
it home), but she declines. She talks to me about girl stuff, but she
doesn't have any "reason" why her grades are so bad. She rarely does
homework, and I can't get her to bring it home or get her to understand
the severity of not doing it. Our whole family is teachers, but she
still doesn't care about her own grades.
As I was saying earlier, her
attitude is also bad. She acts/walks around like a bully, but she isn't
one. She has never been into a fight, doesn't mouth off at school. She
is also constantly tardy to her classes. She has had 2 after school
detentions already and this is only the 4th week of school. She also
steals from her brother, sweatshirts, money, whatever she wants she just
walks into his room and takes it. I feel like she is or will have a
social disorder due to all of the grounding. She takes no responsibility
for her actions and just doesn't care.Help!
Andria
Dear Andria:
You may not like my
answer. You have been grounding her for two years? How is this working?
Why do you continue to do something that is obviously not working?
It
sounds to me like she may have a learning disability. She does fine in
gym and keyboarding. Everything else she is flunking? Do get her in to
be screened for a learning disability by a professional.
When a
child is acting out and you have had two years of this behavior it is
easy to fall into a negative relationship with a child. Do you have any
good times? Doing what? What do you like about your daughter? Do you
tell her as much as what you don't like?
I am concerned that she
is mean to the dog and is stealing. I strongly urge you to enter into
some family counseling as soon as possible. You can turn this around
now.
Best Wishes!
M Kay Keller
