Dear Kay,
I have a 3 yr old boy who just started
school. He is my only child. I was just asked to stay in school with
him because he has "territorial issues" He hits kids that try and take
toys from him. He always wants to sit in the same seat in class. When
they go to the bathroom and they sit outside of the door he has to sit
in the same spot. He's great one on one but in a group setting he's not.
He loves routine. He just came out of a routine. He always wanted to
wear red. For the summer he had allot of red shirts.
I put him in
school so he can be with others and learn to share but it looks like
it's not working and now I have to stay in class and stop him from
hitting. This is so hard on me emotionally What can I do to help? I
hate crying everyday when I get home. Am I doing anything wrong? That's
what I'm thinking and that's why it's hard on me.
He was also in a
gym type class for over a year and about 8 months ago I took him out
cause he got too rough for the other kids, teachers and me. I had an
argument with another mom cause she said if I was a better mom he
wouldn't act this way. Now this mom and her adopted daughter is in the
same nursery class as my son. They live over 3 miles away, they
shouldn't be in this class. Thankfully the mom didn't recognize me or my
son. I'm afraid my son will hit her daughter and then remember us,
she'll tell the other mom's and teachers and my son will be blacklisted.
HELP ME PLEASE!
Sofia
Dear Sofia:
Okay first of all this
is not about YOU. You need to stop the crying and beating up on
yourself. Your child is having a problem and you are too focused on
yourself. Right now and forever, hear this, it does not matter what
other people think of your parenting! STOP IT.
NOW, let's get
focused upon your son and his hitting. I understand he is an only child
however, where has he learned that hitting will get him what he wants?
Does someone hit him when he doesn't do what they want? Has he played
with other children who hit?
He needs to get the message that
hitting is not the way to go and the best way to get this across is to
teach him to use his big boy words.
I suggest getting children's books which focus upon appropriate social behaviors. I also suggest
getting books and games which will teach him how to identify his
feelings and what words will help him to express his feelings. This
child is hitting because he is AFRAID. Children act out what they cannot
express. Whether he is fearful of the other children or of not getting
all the attention is not the point, he is feeling fear!
You will not be able to turn this around in one day so expect it will take some
time and let everyone know that you are working on it and appreciate
their patience and support. If you think you cannot do this alone then
by all means get him and you into some family counseling with a
counselor who specializes in children ages 0-5.
Best Wishes!
M Kay Keller
