Dear Kay,
So how do I begin? My step-daughter, 11 years, has begun experimenting with sexuality. I know it's a part of growing up and I can't see this innocent little girl as a growing young
woman, but I know I must face the music. My problem lays with her
outlets. She's had some past trauma in her life. Without going into too
much detail, her father touched her before I came into their lives. She
is talking to a therapist, but I kind of feel like we can do more for
her.
She's constantly prowling the Internet looking at porn. We've
caught her talking and chatting online in very sexual conversations. Her
mother and I even had to contact some of these individuals to tell them
to back off. Some of these people were genuinely surprised when we
found out she'd been lying about her age.
My concern is that she's too
sexually interested at such a young age. She's recently been raiding
through her mothers drawers looking for items not meant for a child that
young. We've since tossed them out, but our fears keep growing. Her
chatting online is a concern and we do our best to monitor it, but she
gets around us constantly. She's approached her mother and grandmother
about masturbation and has asked, rather abruptly, about each of their
sex lives. We don't try to shelter her but we do our best to help her
with both her past and present issues.
For an 11yr, she does seems
rather grown up, but in other ways still that child I came to know and
love. Is there anything you can suggest to possibly curb her sexual
desires and promote a more healthy outlet?
Scott
Dear Scott:
I have one question for you, who is the parent and who is the child?
She is looking at porn sites and you are both allowing her back on the computer? STOP
She
is 11 years old if you give up this much power to an eleven year old
now you are just sunk for the duration of her teen years. NO PORN, NO
COMPUTER!
I understand there are parental controls now on computers and cable programs, get your manual out and read it and set them up.If
she doesn't respect your wishes then she doesn't get the benefit of
getting on the computer. Parental monitoring means keeping track of what
is happening with her.
Maybe instead of her just seeing a
therapist the entire family could talk some of this out in a family
counseling session? Counseling is not the same as therapy it is only a
technical consultation to tweak family communication.
She
doesn't know yet and may not until she is much older how lucky she is to
have someone care for her and worry about her. Keep up the good work!
M Kay Keller
