Tuesday, September 11, 2012

My 18 year old is not in touch with the reality of life! Help!

Dear Kay,

My 18 year old boy is almost totally removed from the real world. He has done nothing but computer games since the age of 15, he is now into drinking and goes out with some rough mates most nights. He doesn't get up during the day. He wont get a fulltime job, wont learn to drive and only speaks to myself. He wont mix with my partner except to wind him up, not interested in the rest of the family. Isn't bothered about getting a birthday present. He has a parttime job and occasionaly walks the dogs. His room is a disgrace he has no respect for his things and isnt bothered about eating. Reasoning with him makes him sullen and agggressive 'you are nagging mother and that makes me do nothing.'

I am at my wits end, he knows how upset it makes me. The atmosphere in the house is always tense because my partner is a good hardworking man but has only had teenagers in the house for the past couple of years. I have a normal 21 year old daughter at university. How do I handle this? He says he is going to move out, but obviously has no job or prospects at the moment and he knows he couldn't fend for himself. He thinks I should buy him an apartment. He says if I bought him a car he would learn to drive. I can't handle all the emotional blackmail and dont understand why he doesn't get his himeslf out like I did at his age.
Susie

Dear Susie:

I am sorry you are so frustrated. I have to ask you who is teaching him how to treat you and others? It is you and only you.

You want him out yet you are considering buying him an apartment? NO! NO! NO!

He is 18 and needs to be paying for his room and his utilities and his food and other expenses. Put the fire under him. Give him some incentive to be a responsible adult and don't take no for an answer!

Say what you mean and mean what you say! He won't believe it at first because I am betting he has manipulated you very well previously.

You deserve your marriage and trust me this will erode it after a while.

It is time for him to shape up or leave the nest!

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller