Friday, February 24, 2012

I am afraid my teen will move to live with her dad!

Kay,

I'm a single/divorced mom of 3 wonderful kids - 16 (girl), 13 (boy) and 11 (boy). Their dad moved away 8 months ago to be with "his family" in Idaho. Yep, moved away from his kids. They visit him Christmas/summer. With all the family over there, they have a fun time with cousins and all their "toys" of boats, cabins, quads, etc. Me, mom, cannot afford those things. But I'm the one who is always here for them and devote my life to them.

Okay - my Question and Fear is that when my daughter graduates in 2 years, she might choose to go live there with "them" (no, I don't get along with his family). With all the fun, family, activities that they have at their fingertips, I'm so very, very afraid that all 3 of my kids will choose to leave boring mom and go to live in Idaho with dad and family. Can you PLEASE give me some insight on what I can do to keep them here? I love them so much and don't want to lose them. I have a very estranged family here and no time for friends or dates.

I would be so very lonely and sad if they were to leave. PLEASE HELP with any advice you can give.
Thank you and bless you.

Jill

Dear Jill:

You will not like my answer.

Your entire posting was all about YOU. Parenting is about parenting the children and what is best for them. They were not brought into the world to keep you company. Get out and make some friends. You loneliness is not your children's responsibility it is all about your choices not to date and not to spend time with friends and family. Do something about it before you drive your children away permanently.

You see when they are of age is when you get to see what type of a job you have done. Have you loved them because you loved them or because you expected them to make life better for you?

One will get you some visits in your old age and the other will ensure you never hear from them again.

As for what you can do, move past the fear and have FUN with them while you can. Make the most of every moment and stop ruminating about the worst case scenario. Stewing, brewing and reviewing will take you no where and just make you miserable.

Find the joy in your life. Everyone is attracted to JOY. Especially children.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller