Monday, January 30, 2012

My 14 year old daughter

My daughter is only 14 and has ran away twice both times were for a 17 year old boy. She seems like the perfect child to every one, never raised her voice, good in school. She lies nonstop normally on me and her family, like we beat her or she has been raped several times. She has gone through counseling for years now.

She is stealing first cash and now my credit cards. I don't know what to do. The police said the first time she left took 2000 dollars that it was a felony, so I did nothing. Now it is a petty crime with the credit cards and I  can do anything. where do i go now?  I'm scared for her safety and others.

Please help get started on some king of recovery for her.
Lisa

Dear Lisa:

Whether or not you believe her "lies" she believes them and she is acting out like a child who has experienced these things. The way to get her into recovery is seek out a Family Therapist. Not counseling, a good Family Therapist and get the entire family into counseling with her. She needs to know you love her and accept her regardless of her behavior. This does not mean that you allow her to steal or that your condone her stealing. Keep your credit cards and cash locked up. Always insist she face the consequences of her actions however realize that facing the consequences is her punishment she doesn't need more punishment in addition to her consequences.

Find things to tell her that you like about her. It is easy when we have challenging children to get caught up in our fears for them and forget to praise them or compliment them. Try to find time to spend with her that is fun for her and then enjoy your time with her. The more you do this the more the other behaviors will often disappear. Try not to get caught up in the "lies" and argue with her. Such let them go. I can hear the fear in your posting and realize that ultimately our children have to make their own choices and live with them. All we have left to do is to love them.

Sincerely,

M Kay Keller