Wednesday, November 9, 2011

My 15 year lost her Virginity, I am not sure what to do!

How to work through finding out my 15 yr old just lost her Virginity, I'm not sure what I should do!

I was having a sit down talk with my 15 yr old daughter about rules and feelings and she ended up telling me she actually has already had sex with the boy. Not in My House or His. In the Hallway where we live. I was very dumbfounded cause she said she was saving herself for Marriage, and I took her word for it. I told her I know all about 15 yr old girls & boys hormones and being in love and she goes on to tell me she is in Love and will Marry this boy eventually.

I expressed I was kinda disappointed in her and that I would prefer she didn't do it anymore and that there will be little to no chance because I would make every effort to make sure she wasn't left alone again with the boy. She said if I broke it off or try to stop them from seeing each other she would be deeply depressed and hate me.

I mean I don't know how this happened , she is always monitored. She says it was her first time, but she said she didn't bleed ( I thought you bleed some when you lose your virginity, I did ) she wasn't scared and she seems really OK about it.

Now what do I do ? She's gonna be 16 yrs in October. If I don't break them up, things could escalate and if I break them up its gonna turn into a ugly war. Her real dad doesn't even know and she asked me not to tell him. And should I call the Boys parents and talk to them about this? or will it make things worse?  I know if I don't handle this with care , she will never confide in me again.

Please help me,what should I do with this ?

Thank you & God Bless
Joyce

Dear Joyce:

Who is the parent here and who is the child? First of all her threats to hate you and be depressed, goes with the territory of being a parent. If you let these threats intimidate you the next couple of years are going to be with her in control of your home.

Secondly, do you really believe you can keep them apart if you they had sex under your roof already?

I strongly suggest you start the birth control talk. I am not saying to give her permission to have sex under your roof I am saying to get real, real fast if you don't want a baby living under your roof as well as your teenager becoming a mother.

Planned parenthood is a great place to take teens to get birth control counseling. I strongly suggest you go with her and get her what she needs. I also suggest you set a structure with her about when she goes out etc... All you can really do is not provide her with the opportunities for sex however, short of locking her in a closet it isn't real to convince yourself you can stop her.

You know her better than anyone else. If you break them up will she abide by the rules? The bottom line here is what are you going to do with your relationship with her. Remember you are not her best friend you are her mother (she has friends) and you are legally responsible for her until she is 18. This is the hard part of parenting.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller