Monday, October 17, 2011

Teenager

I am totally a wreak concerning my 17 year old daughter. She has add (non attentive) and has always had a difficult time in school academically. She is in a private school with very small classes. She also has poor choice of friends and has started causing me a lot of worry. She is 14 weeks from graduating and does not have a heavy work load. She usually misses a day of school each week and is totally toxic to me verbally. She got her nose, tongue, etc pierced. I have not reacted to any of it.

I suspect she has been smoking cigarettes, marijuana and I found an empty wine cooler in her room. I have told her that anything illegal will not be tolerated in our house and if she chooses to do any of that she needs to do it outside and face the consequences. She doesn't eat at home anymore. She babysat on Saturday and when she came back took the screen window out and left the house....I did not react but I did ask her to use the door next time and she did say she was sorry and that she was at a girlfriends house.

She wants to leave and go to community college in a different State which has dorms. I worry if she can actually handle the academics (since she isn't showing that she can at school). She is seeing a Psychiatrist who has said that we have to treat her like an adult. If she is to fail she needs to get the consequences of her own action. This is all good, however, she seems to bury her head in the sand, sleep tons and doesn't seem to take responsibility for her actions rather she points the finger at me.

How far do I continue with this? Do I send her off, hoping that she will step up to the plate? My husband feels that if she cannot get to school in the mornings and keep up with her work then why should he spend money sending her away.............I have totally mixed feelings and need some help!
Monica

Dear Monica:

Let me see if I get this straight. Your 17 year old daughter (almost legally an adult) is driving you nuts by acting out disrespecting your home and values and you are worried about her leaving to attend community college?

Why should you spend the money to send her away and not drive you nuts? Isn't peace and quiet worth some money? Besides why can she not apply for financial aid and other programs to pay her way or even get a job?

Sincerely,
M Kay Keller

Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Politeness 

10                         10                            10 
Comment: Thank you I guess even if she fails that is how she will learn.......but it is so painful as a parent to watch!