Monday, October 10, 2011

My 19 year old daughter

Hello, briefly, my daughter is violent and  rude, won't listen, comes and goes as she please, smokes marijuana, hates her 8 year old brother. I  can't reason with her and she has lived with two other family members who wont take her now. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend is fed up and wants to leave. He cant take it. She was to see a psychiatrist, but due to insurance he can only go so far she was semi diagnosed with OCD and has medication which she won't take.

I feel torn between giving up and telling her to leave, but I also feel that with some work she can be fixed, but this would mean my bf leaving. He just thinks her leaving is the answer. The only reason I have taken into consideration what he says is because I have kicked her out and she went to live two other family members and she came back she didn't change, it didn't dawn on her what she is doing, last year at school she was so bad the counselors and admins were in shock, she has turned that around and is graduating this year but she is still so violent and rude, uncaring of her brother only concerns herself to do things that will benefit her, what should I do, walk away and never look back, lose my bf and stay, its affecting my 8 year old to point where he is acting like her at times, I'm so torn, I would love nothing more than to help her, but its just confusing, cause she is so cold and uncaring, I feel its pointless.
Can you help me.
Liz

Answer: Dear Liz:

Let's leave the BF out for right now. The reason being even if he were not in the picture you would still be writing to me about her behavior. She is acting out and needs to take responsibility for her actions.

She needs to realize you now owe her nothing and making her own decisions comes with responsibilities, like getting a job and paying her way in life.

Legal you are no longer responsible for her care. She is an adult and responsible for her financial and physical care. However, you mention she has made some progress in school and will be graduating. If it were not for this I would agree you need to tell her to leave and let her fend for herself. Because she seems to be trying I have another suggestion. Tell her you want family counseling AND then all of you go!

Sincerely,
M Kay Keller

Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Politeness
10                         10                             10
Thank you.