Wednesday, October 26, 2011

20 year old son

My wife keeps our 20 year old son under her wing. I'm tired of his lies. He has called the police on me.  When I told him to move out, mom gets up set with me. Mom says he is not ready to move out. He does not earn much money. He likes his part time job and I don't see him moving on. I am up in arms on what to do. Mom is not happy with me I told her it was him or me to move out. I guess I should hold to my promise. It is rough here with mom sticking to his side. She says I need pills to stop yelling.

I need help I am an old farm boy that believes in old beliefs.

Thanks in advance,

James

Answer: Dear James:

First stop yelling it doesn't sound like that is working for you at all. Then listen to mom and when she is finished let her know she is part of your son's problem. He will not grow up until she lets go.

NOW, realize this is not easy for a mother or a parent to do. Letting go of adult children is probably the hardest most foreign task of a parent. It is even harder when the adult child appears to not be doing well.

Next, your son can call the police all he wants when you tell him to move out. Unless you are assaulting him or he is a disabled adult there is no offense to telling an adult child to move out on their own.

Finally, your son will move on with his life, learn to provide for himself and learn self respect by taking on adult responsibilities. You are no longer legally responsible for him.

Do try and save your marriage, don't let this ruin your life together.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller