Saturday, July 16, 2011

How do I let go? Help!

Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Politeness

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Comment: Thank you very much for your response. I know that you are right. It is just so hard.

Question: I am a younger father (33 y/o) and have been very close to my son for most of his life - he is now 16 y/o. He is really into his girlfriend and not so much his friends, or me anymore.

I know that this is normal behavior. But as a Dad how do you accept the fact that the boy that would beg you to hang out with him now would rather not be around at all (even if you beg him).

How do other people deal with letting go....it has been the hardest thing to do for me and I Still have only let a little part go.

Answer: Dear Jeff:

Yes this is the hardest part of parenting any parent has to come to terms with and the good news is you are aware of what is happening! So many parents cling harder or choose to ignore their child in revenge.

Acknowledge your pain and also enjoy your SUCCESS. This is what parenting works towards independent adulthood.

Now, the secret. They don't really want you totally out of their lives. They just have to make you think they do. Set a date once a week to go to lunch or do something together. You are no longer the center of his universe and you have to adjust to just being a part of his life not totally out of it.

When you will know you have true success is 10 years down the road when he offers to pay for lunch! :)

He is lucky to have you as his dad. Just fill the void doing some hobbies, making new friends etc.....

Best Wishes!
M Kay Keller