Friday, June 3, 2011

My 17 year olds social life.

Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Politeness 
10                       10                          10

Questioner: bud

Subject: 17 year old son

Question: Hi I am a bit concerned with my 17 year old son and his social, or lack of, life. He is a good kid that brings home good marks, and doesnt drink or do drugs,and is intelligent,tall and good looking. I think he is a wall flower and may be considered too much of a goody two shoes virgin by his friends.

They all have girlfriends,play football,and drink and act macho,while he is a quiet thinker type. Just when he thinks he is in tight with his buddies,they dont call to invite him to a party or 'forget'. Tonight my wife drove across town to drop him off at a party(adult supervised-not much booze or hanky panky).He didnt know about it until the last minute-possibly on purpose. As his Dad this bothers me as I can see myself in that situation when I was his age.

I was like him but started drinking and acting mach to fit in.

It would be great if he had a group of friends more like him,but he is quiet and shy,and is comfortable with these guys as he has known them since childhood.

Its always these 'nice kids' that you hear about in the news doing bad stuff. Any thoughts appreciated.

Answer: Dear Bud:

First of all you need to separate what is your issue and what is your son's. You said: As his Dad this bothers me as I can see myself in that situation when I was his age.

I was like him but started drinking and acting mach to fit in.

He is not you.

Next, of all the problems you could be writing to me about this one is not something to keep you up at nights. You son sounds introverted and as such he will be a late bloomer. It is okay. Much preferable over the alternatives. So stop and take a gratitude prayer that your son does so well in school and does not do the stuff parents are usually writing me a about. AND include on this list that he has you as a dad who is concerned about him.

I suggest looking at a site called and checking out the different types of personalities. Introverts and specifically INFP, INFJs are less than 3% of the population, ISTJs and ISFJs are less than 8% of the population. So they are just special as they do not happen all that often.

What goes wrong with these personality types is when they try to be something they are not, (like your example and I don't suppose your trying to fit in worked too well for you either).

You don't want to push him to do better socially or to be more like the other boys. He will blossom later on probably in college or even afterwards. He is the kind of young man that when he is in his mid 20s not only will he blossom but the women will recognize him for what he is and he will become sought after.

As long as he doesn't get depressed and he won't if he is taught to admire his introverted personality and other strengths he will be just fine.

As a parent of an introverted teen, enjoy as much time as you can with him doing things you both love to do so he has many good memories of you and you of him. His time with you maybe short as he grows away from the nest.

Remember his parents are his greatest asset right now because you took the time to write to me!

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

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