Monday, May 16, 2011

I have tried to get along with my family but I can't

Questioner: billy


Subject: I tried to get along with my family but i cant

Question: OK I'm 16 and ever since i could remember my mom always acted like a jerk to me. My real dad doesn't live or talk to me and my Step dad hates me the only people that i feel that really love me is my sister and big brother. well to get started i just want to say that i just turned 16 on October 16 and that was a happy day for me cuz I'm 16 and i can get a job but it also made me sad because the only people that said happy birthday was me sister brother and friends. my mom ignored me and my step dad didn't even look at me that day. i tried going into my moms room to she if she forgot but when i first stepped in and stated talking about my birth day she just started screaming at me telling me to leave her alone and all i do is bother her. this also happened on my 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th and, 15th birth day


My mom doesn't drink do drugs or anything On my little brothers birthday she buys a cake and on my older brothers and older sisters birthdays too but not my birthday. i haven't done anything wrong. i never get into trouble and I'm a B average student. she always blames Everything on my if something goes wrong. she always says that I'm a loser and my step dad too. I'm tired of this family and I'm not depressed or anything. its not like i want to die or something i just want a new family. like a foster home but i don't know how to do that.

Answer: Dear Billy:

I am very sorry you do not feel love and you are not where you want to be. It is heartbreaking to just read your letter.

As for the foster homes. You might be able to find one however if you are not being physically abused I doubt social services will find you a foster home. (It is too bad the laws do not recognize emotional neglect and abuse as abuse). And even if they could sometimes the foster homes can be worse than being at home. (I know you won't think so but they really can be bad places to be.)

You are a B student. It sounds like you do well in school and have friends. You are close to your siblings and you are now 16. I would like to make suggestions.

Break free of your family in your head. Focus your time and energy on school, friends and your siblings. Sometimes parents hearts are just broken and they are unable to give you what you need.

You sound like a strong young man to realize that you are not to blame for the lack of attention and love. Keep this strength I know you will become a great adult. You only have two more years until you will be 18 years old and you will be free to leave.

I suggest you keep your grades up, get involved with school activities, make lots of friends and when you get a job start putting your money away. You will need lots of it.

I am so sorry life is not fair and you are experiencing such a lack of love. I am also very happy for you that you know you deserve love and attention. Keep that in your heart always. Sometimes really great and wonderful people come from homes where they were not treated well.

I know you want your parents to love you and care for you it is normal and natural. You will feel a loss in your heart that they do not show it the way you need them to. Give yourself permission to grieve this loss.

Every child deserves to know they are loved, cared for and valued. Now you are old enough to do all of this for yourself. Remember to treat yourself well, ask friends and siblings for a hug and to keep your focus on what you want for your life. It is your parents loss to not have loved you as you needed love. You can fill your loss up by learning to love yourself.

Feel free to write me back anytime you want to!

Sincerely,

M Kay Keller



P.S. Do you have aunts or uncles you can spend lots of time with?