Saturday, March 5, 2011

My 19 year old college daughter and her boyfriend?

Questioner: Russ


Subject: 19 yr old college step-daughter and boyfriend

Question: My 19 yr old daughter comes home from college and often invites her first and only boyfriend of 2.5 years to come over. They are both studious, "A" students, religious, etc. The problem for me occurs in the evenings when they go in her room and get in bed together under the covers.They cuddle close and sleep till 1 AM or so , and then he leaves. My wife (her mom) , says they aren't doing anything, but I am uncomfortable with the scenario. I have expressed that even if nothing sexual is going on, I still find it disrespectful and personally uncomfortable. She says I'm making a big deal about nothing, and that they are adults. I have said nothing to my stepdaughter or her boyfriend, as i don't know if I'm wrong?


Answer: Dear Russ:

I am not sure what the problem is exactly. These are both adults. If you have a rule there is no sexual activity under your roof unless they are married then say so. However, realize you are dealing with two adults who from what you describe are not problem people in your life.

You have a right to make whatever rules you choose to about your house. However, would you apply the same rules to two friends of your own age? If so then move forward by all means. Remember to be fair. Even so you need to consider how you want to live your life. If you feel your rules are fair and need to be abide by realize you will also force her to make choices about where she spends her time and with whom she spends it. She may choose not to come home as often. Again, only you know what you can and cannot live with.

It sounds more like you are having an issue with her being all grown up? Realize you are no longer responsible for her adult choices. Whatever choices she makes she has to deal with the consequences.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller