Saturday, January 29, 2011

My 15 year old son is very difficult to deal with, Please advise.

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Comment: Thank you very much your answer really showed the things that i needed to know. You have no idea how much you have helped me.

Questioner: Mary

Subject: 15 year old son

Question: Hi, I like many of you have a 15 year old son who is very difficult to deal with. He has one sister who is 6 years old and his father does not live with us anymore. I don't know why but he doesn't like competing in team sports, nor does he like leaving the house very much. I keep pushing him everyday hoping for a change but he just doesn't respond. He is not doing any drugs, he has all A's and B's but he just wont participate in any activities that involve other people. I don't know if he is depressed or if this is just another teen thing. Could this just be the side effect of love, because he does not tell me anything about that kind of stuff. Please if anyone knows anything i can do please tell me. I would sincerely appreciate it.


Mary

Answer: Dear Mary:

You son is doing well in school and it sounds like he is just introverted. Be blessed and feel grateful that his not socializing is the only problem you see him struggling with now.

I suggest going to a website www.personalitytype.com and reading up on introversion. Depending upon his personality type you can learn how to communicate with him in his own "personality" type language. Find out what your type is and then reach out to him in his type. You can share this information with him as he may feel relieved to discover his liking to be alone is because he is more introverted.

You said he doesn't leave the house to go out and participate. Do you think he just likes being home? I get plenty of complaints from parents who cannot keep their children home at all. Do be careful what you wish for as it sounds like things are as they should be right now. If there are no other problems with him, then just love him and enjoy him.

Find things to do with him at home that he likes to do as often boys will talk more when they are busy doing something like playing a game or just hanging out and watching TV. If he is depressed he will open up to you about it. Make sure you are prepared to just listen, listen and listen some more. Many times our children do not open up enough because we are too busy trying to be good parents and lecturing, advising or judging what they tell us.

Best Wishes!

Kay

P.S. Tell him what you appreciate about him each day.