Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Daughters and Boyfriends?

Questioner: Anonymous
Subject: Daughters & Boyfriends

Question: My wife is currently stationed in Iraq so I don’t want to disturb her with a question like this. She has more important things to think about... like staying alive.

My daughter is almost 16 and has been dating her 17y/o boyfriend for going on 8 months. They seem to have started becoming very sexually forward with each other. During the first couple of months they would give each other the occasional cute little peck, but this has now evolved into heavy make out sessions on the couch.

I am forced to ask myself, “Should I say something?” and if so, “What?” I have thought about talking, buying some books or maybe just getting her a doctor’s appointment for some type of birth control. My wife is the one I expected to be making these types of decisions, but she isn’t due home for several more months.

What are your suggestions for handling this upcoming situation?


Answer: Dear Anonymous:

Your wife is in my prayers for a safe return.

Doug, this is your house. These teens do not need to be making out at home. Often parents feel it is safer to allow certain behaviors to happen at home rather than out somewhere else. This sends confusing messages to teens.

I raised three myself and they knew there was no sex, no alcohol and no illegal drugs in my house because they were underage. No debating the issue either.

However, they also knew that I would take them for birth control if it became an issue. I would let them know they need to cool it or they can have their make out session over the phone! Don't be afraid to be the parent. She maybe almost 16 and she still needs you to set the boundaries so she feels safe.

If you feel it has gotten out of control and they will be sexual out from under your roof then by all means call Planned parenthood as they have videos and other materials they will share with her before she get the birth control.

You probably know how your wife feels about all of this however, even though she is in Iraq any mom would want some input into this situation. I can imagine she would feel too left out if you don't say something however you know best.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller