Monday, September 6, 2010

My 19 year old and I are fighting.

Knowledgeability 10; Clarity of Response 10; Timeliness 10; Politeness 10.

Comment: I think what the expert had to say was right on and I guess I new but needed some re-assurance that I was doing or not doing the right thing and I guess that I am and will stick with what the expert says....thank you so much we needed outside input.

Questioner: Michele McMullen

Subject: Lack of motivation, not sleeping, no direction 19 years old

Question: My question is simple: What do you do with a 19 year old girl who has no sense of direction, no motivation to seek what she wnats to do as a career which is tatooing, no drive and regardless of what I or her step-dad or her father say to her, she gives you lip service, a sob story and goes on doing what she does which is nothing? Simple right, I think not and that is what I and my husband are dealing with on a daily basis - and it is just us and her in the house as her younger sister lives with their father. Any suggestions would be great.
Michele and Chadd Frey

Answer: Dear Michele,

Well first of all she is 19. Stop trying to parent a 19 year old. If she hasn't gotten it by now it isn't going to happen.

Next own up to the responsibility of teaching others how to treat you. If she is living at home and not getting with the program start charging rent. Every action has a consequence. If she doesn't clean up after herself stop cleaning up after her...she is doing what she is doing because she has NO MOTIVATION to not do what she is doing because you keep doing what you are doing.

Set boundaries and focus on having an adult relationship with the adult daughter.

Her career decision are her decision. If she can't support herself with her career decisions then she will figure this out if she is expected to pay her own way.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

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