Question: My daughter is 18 years old with a job and she is going back to college in the fall. I think she hangs with the wrong crowd but she has grown up with them so she wont stop hanging with them. she says that she is old enough to make her own decisions good or bad and she has a job so her curfew shouldn't be 12 o'clock am. Do you think her curfew should be later or if she should have one at all?
Answer: Dear Anonymous:
Curfews for adult children are a tricky topic. My rule of thumb is if they are paying their own expenses, including rent then by all means do away with the curfew. However, it also is based upon consideration for those who live there as well. If they are not mature enough to live a life which allows you to get your sleep (they wake you up at all hours of the night coming home) then a curfew for courtesy sake is warranted. I told mine if they came home after 12 they had better be quiet as mice or else there was a midnight curfew. The older we get the harder it is to get good quality sleep! :)
As for her choice of friends. Her choices are you business as far as if they affect you. If her friends' behavior costs you anything then by all means invite her to live her life under her own roof and take responsibility for her choice of friends. (If they break, steal, or expect you to pick up after them,) they and she needs to accept responsibility for how their actions are affecting you.
It is time to take care of yourself now. Make all these decisions on what takes care of you the best and everything else will work out fine. Congratulate yourself on a finished job!
M Kay Keller