Saturday, August 21, 2010

Teens are not listening

Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Timeliness Politeness
10                       10                           10            10
Comment: Kay was very fast and no nonsense. I had mixed emotions about the advice but it was good and I used it.

Questioner: Robbie Bassett

Subject: teens don't listen

Question: I have two teenage daughters and two grown daughters. My teenage daughters fight me on everything. I don't give them any advice on clothes etc its just very simple things like doing dishes once a week or helping mow the lawn. I am divorced and need help. There older sisters always take their side and make it hard for me since they run to them if we have any arguments.

I think the older daughters should butt out with these household issues or back me up. It seems so simple that the teenagers should listen to me and do a few chores and if they give me alot of mouth they get priviledges taken away. Is that wrong?

Answer: Dear Robbie, No it is not too much to ask your teens to help out around the house. However, I would recommend rather than taking away prviledges which tends to make for angry teenagers, instead you give them incentives to get their priviledges. For instance she who does her chores without being asked gets a 1/2 later curfew or more time on the phone etc....Reinforce the behavior you want them to give you. Also refuse to argue with them. Stop it now.

When they start to argue with you do not get caught up in their games. If they can get you to argue back then you are giving up your power as the adult. Simply look at them and say I am glad you have an opinion on this matter or some other positive comment, then move onto something else. As for your older daughters realize they too are going to have an opinion whether you like it or not.

So find a way to compliment them on being so concerned about their younger sisters, then ask them if they would like to show their support by helping out as well.

Best wishes,

M Kay Keller

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