Friday, August 13, 2010

step daughter one of 2 13 yr olds at home

Anonymous

Subject: step daughter one of 2-13 yr olds at home

Question: QUESTION: what age should teenage 13yr girls start wearing makeup,plucking eyebrows,dating and text messaging? I have two teens at home. Please help



ANSWER: Dear Anonymous

Depends upon your values as a parent. Recommend realizing a 13 year old is not a child anymore they are on their way to becoming an adult. However, they also are not equipped yet to be in a committed sexual relationship.

As the parent you have to set boundaries and realize these boundaries will need to be adjusted as they do age and grow up. If they show an interest in wearing make up and plucking eyebrows this is more of a personal interest. Setting boundaries as to how much make up, for instance you could start out with lip gloss and then as they get a little older move to lipstick etc....a good way to do this is to expect them to earn their way up the ladder of make up achievements. :) LOL

How well are they doing their chores, doing homework etc....are they acting mature? Making good choices.

As for dating. Strongly suggest group activities and no dating until they are 16 however this is my professional opinion based upon the chemical changes adolescents are going through at this age both boys and girls.

If they pair up into boyfriends and girlfriends fine however only in group activities. It is never a good idea to leave teens alone in the house or in any other activity where there is no parent or responsible adult present.

Text messaging.....again that is a personal call. Most of this will come naturally depending upon the relationship you have with your children. Do you have an open relationship where you discuss and they tell you what is happening in their lives? If so this won't be that hard to determine what is best for them.

Some suggestions.

Realize both you and they will make mistakes. Neither of you will get through these years being perfect.

Trust your instincts you are after all the parent!

Listen more than you talk. Communication is all about listening and understanding the other person and remember you are the adult.

AND, don't panic!

Best Wishes!

M  Kay Keller
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: step daughter lives with biological mother half the time and lets her do as she pleases.example,sleeps over at friends house and was caught sneeking out at midnight.gets to go out on school nights.does not like to come over our house because of too many rules.help!

Answer: Dear Maria:

Well in this case you want to pick your battles wisely. Only assert critical rules. However, teens know how to adjust to different rules. There are sets of rules for school, home, church, social functions, public places etc.....she will adjust.

Remind yourself you are not her friend. She may not like the rules and she can still learn to respect you. Again, it needs to not be YOU setting the rules and backing them up. Her biological parent needs to be the bad guy. Where is he?

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller