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Comment: wonderful- thank you so much!
Questioner: Barb Subject: Help with teen daughter
Question: I have a 15 yr old daughter who will be 16 in August and I am very worried about her. What I mean by this is she is very unhappy and also I feel she is depressed. No matter what I say or do I can not connect with her. She never wants to talk to me nor her father about anything.
I have recently found out thru one of her close friends that she has been drinking a lot and doing things she normally wouldnt do. She also has changed all her friends for a new crowd and also has changed her style of dressing and music. I dont know whether or not this is just a phase and she is just trying to find herself or what?
I did ask her once why the sudden change and she replied that she is tired of being pretty!!! She also dyed her hair from a gorgeous natural blonde to a very dark brown! We have taken her to therapy before in the past and has done nothing. She wont even open up to them either! We are terrified that we are loosing her and dont know how to help her with anything. I mean if we cant even talk to her what should we do?
Now that alcohol is involved I am even more terrified of this spinning out of control!! Any advice that you may have would be very appeciated.
Answer: Dear Barb, Something is wrong here. A dramatic change in events is definitely a sign something is wrong. When you say she doesn't want to be pretty anymore this jumped out at me. I don't mean to alarm you and yet I feel I must put this out there.
We live in a society where a woman is raped every 7 minutes in this country. I found myself wondering if someone had messed with her and she is afraid to tell you so. Sometimes teens are afraid they will be blamed, or their parents will go nuts and kill someone and either way it will be their fault.
Maybe asking her and reassuring her that you love her no matter what, that nothing like this would ever be her fault no matter what she thinks she did or did not do. You said she won't open up to the counselors either. Maybe someone has threatened her some how???
Sometimes teens do clam up on their parents however it can often be overcome by finding a mutually enjoyable activity that you both enjoy and spending some time together. LISTENING rather than TALKING is a big part of getting a teen out of their shell. Either way she sounds like she is in a danger zone.
Please keep trying with the counseling or whatever you need to as you don't want to lose her to her depression. As for the drinking put your foot down underage drinking is illegal. I don't care if you have to call the police on her no drinking under your roof!
M Kay Keller