Sunday, August 1, 2010

My 13 year old is hanging with a 14 year old who has already had sex


Subject: help with my teen

Question: hi I'm really concerned about my daughter and my ability to handle my teenagers my 13 year old daughter is very sweet girl she still likes to play with dolls from time to time but she hanging around with a 14 year old who has already had sex multiple times
 what do you think i should do I'm scared that she might hate me if i tell her not to hang out with her friend but not only is she having sex shes very mean to my daughter should stop the friendship or should i allow it only if she comes over my house thank you for your help

Answer: Dear Anna:

Talk and listen. I can't help but wonder if she isn't hanging around an "experienced" 14 year old for two reasons. 1. She is curious and 2. maybe she feels for her friend.

A 14 year old having sex is doing so because she was introduced to sex inappropriately at a developmental age she was not prepared to handle sex. In other words this is not normal teen behavior. Someone has violated or otherwised exposed this 14 year old to sex she wasn't ready to handle.

Statistics show teen girls do not get pregnant from other teen boys (on average) they get pregnant from men who are between the ages of 25-45.

Is it possible your daughter feels sorry for this 14 year old? Why would she hang with someone who treated her badly? These are questions which come to mind.

I would tell your daughter you are concerned about how she feels about herself. You are concerned she doesn't know she deserves to be treated well by her friends. Then LISTEN to her without interrupting or arguing about what she says, just listen and listen and listen somemore.

Find out what the attraction is here and then move from there. Try not to attack her friend as you are more than likely going to push her towards her friend and not away from her friend. ALWAYS concentrate on your relationship with your daughter first and making it good one.

Feel free to revisit this issue with me after you have your chat with her...your listening chat with her.

Take care,

M Kay Keller

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