Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Help me get motivated, my parents are not happy with me.

From: D

Subject: I cant seem to get motivated

Question: For some time now my parents have been getting after me about not being motivated to do anything. I am 17 and a senior in HS, I have never in my life had any kind of behavioral problems at all, my grades are usually good never below two C's. My Junior year was very hard, I failed Algebra II and finished with a D in Chemistry. I am treasurer of a school honors society, a blackbelt, and I love lifting weights.


All through High school my parents have been trying to get my motivated and involved in things(became treasure cause the bugged me for four years about taking an officers position) in school and out side of it. I know I have the ability to do well but its never on my mind or a pressing matter for me. I found out over the summer that I have ADD and started taking vyvanse, my grades improved to all A's and B's, but at home I am still having problems.

My parents were angry that I am not taking a very active role in looking for a college. I do want to go to school, there is no doubt in my mind, but like everything else I was nonchalant about it. I wasn't actively looking for school or scholarships, and I waited until the last minute to write my essay for the one college I did apply to. The only thing I am really motivated to do and push myself in is weight lifting. I love it, My parents will always yell at me saying all you want to do is eat, sleep, watch TV and lift weights. The thing is if it were possible I would. They were also angry that I don't go out with friends or ever make plans. Its not that I don't have friends, or that I dont want to go out, I'm just content to sit and watch TV. I just dont know how to go about anything with a real sense of motivation, I really just dont think its in me.

I had a C in my AP class and my teacher told me that if I wrote an extra credit exceptional essay I could bump it up to a B. She said I could sent it to her over the weekend so she could revise it and send it back so that I could make corrections and turn it in during the week. I did this and she never sent it back, my mother was pissed at me yelling that see always cares more than I do, and that I'm so lazy. They have told me that they aren't going to pay for college for me and that I will have to find a way because, I dont work hard enough when school is free so why waste their money.

My mother is now at the point that she believes that I am so lazy that she cant stand me and said today that she cant stand me and that I need to get out of the house. She said maybe living in the street would do me well. I enjoy the job I have and dont have any problems at work. But the job I am work now, If possible at all I will barely be able to pay for community college, let alone a place to live. I really dont have much of a drive to do any thing besides lifting weights, and I know that wont pay any bills, gym memberships just make them. I really cant seem to get motivate to do anything and its the last straw for my parents, I dont know how to change myself or really what to do.



Answer: Dear D:

Let me get this straight. You have never given your parents any trouble at all and have been a good student and now you are referring to yourself as lazy and unmotivated?

If everything you have told me is true then I am going to respond only to what you have posted here.

1. Call yourself lazy and unmotivated is emotionally abusive. STOP IT!

Even if it were true which it doesn't sound true, it won't help!

2. You parents wanting you to go to college more than you want it for yourself is their problem not yours. That is not to say that you don't have to take responsibility for yourself as an adult. You mention your love of weight lifting why don't you think about going into some form of health fitness as an instructor or something that you love to do.

3. It sounds to me like you are struggling to hear your own voice over that of your parents. Realize that sometimes parents care so much that they don't realize that their child is growing up and see their choices as a reflection on their parenting. Try and hear yourself. Along with your body building add in some meditation time so that you can figure out what you want to do with your life. Remember ultimately you are the only one who will be responsible for yourself for the rest of your life.

4. Remind your parents that they don't get to take credit for your successes or your failures. They belong to you alone.

Best Wishes!


Kay