Monday, August 9, 2010

17 yr old asks how to stop lying?

Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Timeliness Politeness Nomination?

9                         9                             10            9              Yes
Comment: thank you very much...I am already ameliorating in that field...since my parents are constantly supporting me too.

Questioner: Ines

Subject: How to stop lying...

Question: Hello,

I am 17 years old and i am really concerned about an issue i would like to consult you about.

I have been the best student in my class, outstanding in all areas, since the 10th grade.

But this year in 11th grade, i don't know why, but i have adopted the horrible habit of lying.
I first did that about my grades, since i couldn't admit taking low grades to my parents. Then the lies came concerning he friends i hung out with and my relations with boys...since my parents are very conservative and narrow-minded in these issues.

Then, since i wasn't caught in the beginning, lying became one of my constant habits, although i didn't want to admit it. I am not the type of person that wants to harm and lie, but the circumstances pushed me. I felt compressed, since we are an immigrant family in Greece and i am attending with scholarship a rich high school. I always lie about my status, my nationality, and i don't want to admit that i may not have the same opportunities as these rich people.

This is why lying in my life became a habit. And when my parents caught me, i still kept lying. They are really concerned, really sad with me, since i am their only child, but they also are very strict in some themes, which keeps pushing me to lie.

I really want to know if this can be changed in my life, and if other teenagers have similar problems too. It would really relieve me to know. I feel so miserable lately. I feel that i may ruin my brilliant career so far and also destroy myself and my family. Please, give me an advice about how can i dispel this habit and how can i ameliorate the situation.

I am waiting your response with impatience and you may ask me regarding any further information you may require.

Thank you

Yours sincerely,

Ines


Answer: Dear Lines:

First of all let's not blame your parents for your lying. You decide to lie and you lie. We also don't need to believe that you will ruin your life. You are too young to ruin your life unless you commit some horrible act of violence.

I am wondering if maybe you are lying to find out if you are loved for who you are rather than what you do? You listed your good grades and going to a rich school etc....are you struggling with low self esteem? Are you bored with life? Possibly trying to spice things up a little bit?

Sometimes I think really good children have a rough time because everyone expects them to be perfect or really good and it is easy for a child to expect that out of themselves also. Maybe you need to find a way to not be soon good or soon perfect without lying.

My main concern about you choosing to lie to people is you will lose credibility with your family and friends. It will affect your relationships with them and with yourself.

Give yourself permission to not be perfect, to not take responsibility for what other people think of you and then take a deep breathe and tell the truth!

Find out why you are feeling the need to attract negative attention. Try keeping a journal about your feelings each day and see what comes up.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller