Monday, July 26, 2010

Talking to my teen about masturbation

How to Talk to Your Child About Sex: It's Best to Start Early, but It's Never Too Late -- A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents

Subject: teenage sexuality

Question: I am single mother of a 13 year old son and 15 year old daughter. Last Saturday, I left my son alone at home to do some shopping. A little while later I realized I had forgot something and returned home. I was on my way back out the door when I heard noises down the hallway. When I got to my bedroom my son was lying on my bed masturbating.
He didn't see me.

I was in shock for a few seconds then just quietly walked away. What bothers me is that he was saying words to the affect of "oh mom, Jack me off... and circumcise me". And he was circumcised about 4 years ago. A friend from church says she thinks it's just fantasy and that boys fantasize about being circumcised.

I am really concerned. Should I confront him about this? Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Answer: Dear Amy,

I don't know that what he was saying was anything to be concerned about however he needs to masturbate in the privacy of his own room. Having your personal space violated in this manner is not okay.

I would tell him what happened in a matter of fact manner, letting him know you know people masturbate however doing so in the privacy of his own room is acceptable and not on your bed.

Especially because you are raising two children by yourself keeping your boundaries intact is important. You can also ask him casually during the conversation if he is having issues surrounding his circumcision and tell him to free to talk about if he is comfortable doing so or with a counselor if he is not comfortable.

The important thing to remember is to listen to whatever he has to say without shaming him. He just needs to know it is about privacy and not about him doing something horribly wrong.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller