Sunday, July 25, 2010

My parents are out of control! I am almost 18!

Questioner: Cody

Subject: Being Grounded

Question: I went to a friends house about 8 miles away from where I live. I went there to spend the night my parents knew this were ok with it...My mom dropped me off. She dropped me off at about noon and around 3 PM we walked to a friends house like a quarter mile away.

We were there for about an hour and then we walked back to the original friends house I spent the night went home. While I was in the shower my mom went through the phone I pay for and found out I had gone to the other friends house for a while.
I have been grounded for about 6 months now....I am 17 going to be 18 in a couple months.

I am moving out because of her overreacting about everything....She has taken away things I have paid for. This all bothers me to no end I understand that my parents only want what is best for me and want to teach me a lesson???I don't understand the grounding still....However I need to tell them in a way that wont shake them up that all they are doing is pushing me away.

I still want to talk to them after I move out but I don't know if this is possible. I don't know what to do.....

Answer: Dear Cody, Your parents are in shock. They can't believe you are all grown up. They look at you and all they can see is the baby they brought home from the hospital. I am not taking their side as they are over reacting if all that happened is what you have written here. I just think part of being grown up is to see things from their side too.

They have spent 17 YEARS trying to keep you safe. Guess what? No parent feels prepared and they are just as human as you. Parents make big mistakes all the time. You may think they have all the answers and know how to do life...but we all are just making it up as we go along. Tell them you love them, tell them you will always need them, just differently, tell them you will always want them in your life. They need to hear this just as much as you need to hear how proud they are of you.

Tell them you know it is hard on them with you growing up so fast. That when you do move out that it isn't because you don't respect them but because you do and maybe this way they can have some privacy, some time alone and you can become an adult.

Remember though moving out is not a solution to your communication problem and it is EXPENSIVE living out on your own. If you have doubts maybe instead you could suggest some family counseling to help you all sort out your feelings???

 Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller