Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Help my husband and I differ on our parenting of our teen son.

Cindi



Subject: Motivate my 16 year old son

Question: My husband and I are at odd over our 16 year old son. He is an good student, does not smoke, do drugs or smoke, nor does he do any thing to help around the house! He just talks on the phone and plays on the computer in his room when he finally gets home from baseball.

My husband thinks he should have a career already in mind, do nothing except work on his baseball career and he does all this with lectures and talking down to him.
I want him to be a teenager and get a job when baseball season is over.

How can we come together with a parenting plan when we are so different? My way at least my son speaks to me and confides in me about his life, he avoids his father at all costs because it always develops into a lecture or argument.

Neither one of us cares for his girlfriend who is most time consuming and is interfering in his life. i.e., Drama Queen. How long does it take a young man to find this drama boring? How can we help his to see the light here. I know the Romeo Juliet syndrome and have been patient and it is not working....

Thanks,

trying to save a marriage


Answer: Dear Cindi:

You cannot take responsibility for your husband's relationship with your son. You however have a relationship with your son and seem to be doing well. Your son is not going to have a map for his life at only 16 years of age.

As for the girl friend...you cannot get rid of her you can however put restrictions on how much time she spends at your house or other boundaries such as eating your food and hanging out....remember you son has to develop his own ability to set boundaries and is choosing to keep company with her for a reason.....

By the way your husband is blowing his chance to build a life time relationship one can only hope he will come to his senses and stop lecturing and start LISTENING. Control is an illusion and he cannot control the out come of his son's life and what he chooses to do or not do. At 16 years of age his choices will change several times anyway before he finds a career.

Best wishes!

M Kay Keller