Subject: Dad/daughter bad relationship.
Question: 14 teen girl, not cleaning her room, not helping w/chores,dad complaining but not helping to fix problem. how can i make dad get involved and how can he do it w/out yelling and making doughtier afraid of him?
First of all you cannot make dad do anything. However asking him when he is frustrated and ready to discuss his behavior "How is this working for you?" Maybe a good way to get him to realize that he who is yelling is out of control and he who is quiet is in control.
You have a 14 year old who is obviously in control of her life and yours too.
Not cleaning her room. Let her know that as long as there is no food in her room and she takes the trash out she can keep her room as messy as she likes and shut the door. (This is an age old battle and you need now more than ever to pick your battles wisely).
Then as far as the chores are concerned this is an easy one she either does chores or pays rent. (say it with a straight face). She can pay someone else to do her chores.
Or better yet make her win her privileges by doing chores when this chore is done it equals time on the phone when this chore is done she can spend time with friend etc.....
Get back in control mom, not of her of yourself. Set the boundaries and them stick with them. Often they get this way when we slack up on our expectations.
As for hubby he needs to figure out his behavior on his own as he is an adult. Not your problem to fix.
M Kay Keller