Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I think I need to take my ex back to court on custody

Questioner: brandy

Subject: custody

Question: I have been divorced for a little over 3 years and am now happily remarried. My ex husband and I share joint custody, he has physical. I was a stay at home mom and went to georgia to visit my sister, when my ex informed me that he was engaged to someone else and wanted a divorce. Since, everything was in his name and I had to move in with my sister, I agreed that it was better for the children to live with their father. I drive to KY every other month to see them and bring them to GA on every school break. My son is 5 and my daughter is 4, and they are old enough now that they are drawing their own views on my ex husband. My ex husband is now married to a woman who a son the same age as my daughter.
My children call me crying because my ex is talking bad about me and that he forces them to call their step mother "Mommy".

Anytime I talk to my ex about it, he denys it and won't let me speak to the kids for days. He's even went as far as changing the phone number.

From the moment my son gets out of school on the weekends until 9pm the night before school starts back, my children are at my ex's grandmother who is in her 80's and whom takes care of her 50 year old son whom is mentally handicapped.

My children cry every time they have to go back to their father's and sound depressed every I speak with them. I love my children more than life itself and my husband and I want nothing more than our children to come for good.

I worry that going to court might hurt them even more emotionally and that my ex may not let me see or talk to my children if I lose. He's technically not allowed to do that now, but he does and I'm certain he would if I took him to court. I don't know what to do, I'm afraid my children will hurt either way. Please give me advice.

Answer: Dear Brandy,

If you are telling me everything then you need to stop worrying so much and just focus on how much you love your children. Taking him back to court is going to do nothing to your children but improve their lives.

Make sure you document everything you are hearing from them and what you know. If you have a chronological activity log of the interactions between your children and you it will go better for you.

And by the way, 4 and 5 years old is not old enough to get a perspective on the ex...most of the time that doesn't happen until a child is an adult, say around 25.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller