Monday, June 7, 2010

3 year old throws tantrums

Rating:
Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Timeliness Politeness
10                       10                            10            10

Comment: Thank you very much. I really apprectiate your advice and I will definetly try everything that you said to do.

Questioner: Rachel

Subject: Out of hand 3 year old

Question: Hello, I have a 3 year old son and a 16 month old. My 3 year old is a very good boy a majority of the time. But ever since he turned 2 (the time my 2nd was born), my first son has become very aggressive and yells, throws temper tantrums no matter where we are. I don't have much trouble with him and my younger one.. he's pretty good with him. Occasionally we have to explain to him that he is too small to play ruff with.. and he's pretty good about listening to that. The real problem with him is that if you do not give him what he wants... he goes into full tantrum mode. When I take him to the grocery store.. he will not listen to me at all. He will punch, kick, and scratch, pull on my clothes... all in public and it is so Imbarrasing. I've actually had other women come and tell my son that he shouldn't be hitting him mother. I took him to a WIC app. and I asked him to take off his shoes so we could get his weight.. and he fell to the ground kicking and screaming, crying, punching... everything. the nurse said that I need to call his doctor and get him on some medication. I don't' want to do that... but I don't' know what else to do. I've tried everything I can think of to make him listen to me and calm down. Nothing is working. If you're not giving him the attention that he wants.. he does things he know's he's not supposed to do so we will say something to him. His father and I can't even have a conversation without him being loud and interrupting. I feel so bad like I've done something wrong. And I don't know how to help him. I know that he's in the whole "terrible 3's" stage.. but this is too much. Please.. if there is any advice you could give me I would really appreciate it. I will take him to the doctors if I need to.. but if there's some way around that I will try anything. Like I said he is such a sweetheart when he wants to be. But the way that he acts when he gets mad.. I can not handle it anymore. Thank you.

Rachel


Answer: Dear Rachel,

First of all he is not in some terrible stage. He is competing and probably is reacting to not being the center of your world anymore.

1st. He needs one on one time with you, then he need one on one time with his dad. Special time he doesn't have to share with the baby. It needs to be on a routine basis and he needs to know he can count on this special time.

2nd. He needs you to not react to his tantrums. NO eye contact, No interacting with him. Let him know you will deal with him when he uses his big boy voice and stops screaming then look away. When others try to interfere tell them you are his mom and they need to let you handle him your way. If it offends them tell them you are sorry it is noisy however you are dealing with him. NO he doesn't need medication because the WIC employee doesn't like his behavior. Talk to her that same way you would anyone else who is interfering. IF YOU IGNORE his bad behavior it will get worse for a time then it will GO AWAY! You cannot however give into him even once or you will have to start over again!

Don't let him hurt himself otherwise IGNORE his behavior. As soon as he stops give him eye contact and talk to him. If it starts up again then look away and ignore him.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller