Sunday, April 11, 2010

My son prefers his father over me!

Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Timeliness Politeness
10                       10                           10             10

Comment: She gave me the answer i was looking for and it made me feel alot better !!!

Questioner: Mariana

Subject: My son only wants his dad

Question: Hello,

I have a little boy who is 23 months old. I first started working part time when he was six months and then full time when he turned a year old. My husband was the one that would stay with him most of the time becuase he works freelance. When my husband does work he goes to daycare but when he stays home my son is always with him. He never wants me to carry him, feed him, bathe him play with him. He wants absoluetly nothing to do with me. When i caryy him he starts to cry and says daddy. That breaks my heart and makes me feel so bad. I love my son to death and i want him to understand that i am working. I feel like he feels that i abandon him all the time which is not true. When i do get home from work i try to be with him but he pushes me away.. What do i do . i want to show him love affection i want him to know i am there for him but he doesnt let me. Is this normal? Will he hate me forever?

Answer: Dear Mariana,

First of all let's seperate these two issues. There is the issue of your son showing preference for his father and then there is the issue of you feeling rejected and unloved by your son.

1. Your son was six months when you started back to work part time and a year when you started back full time. His showing preference for your husband is due to the seperation he has felt from you. It is very common for infants that young to bond with the primary caregiver. Whomever they are with for the better part of the day and meets their physical needs will be the person they show a preference for until he gets older.

2. Now let's deal with your feelings. It seems to me you were unprepared for the tradeoff. He does not hate you he just prefers (for right now) being with his dad. First they are bonding as a father and son and then they are bonding as a child and the primary caregiver.

3. Now where do you fit in? What I suggest is that you become very involved with his bedtime routine. Make sure he has a consistent bedtime routine and that you play a major role with him. Try massaging him. Massage is a fabulous activity for you both to bond and to have a good time besides you will benefit physically as well.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

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