Monday, February 8, 2010
Relationships - Where is the Joy?
Many people call me and claim to be "unlucky" in love. What they do not realize is they are receiving exactly what they are asking for to be unlucky in love. Many of these people have learned they are helpless in taking action to change their life or the outcomes in their lives.
Learned helplessness brings about permanence (it has always been this way it will continue to be this way), personalization (it is me, I am the reason I am so unlucky) and pervasiveness (generalization - I am just not a lucky person in any area of my life). This type of a personal belief system is all about giving ones power away!
Now why would someone choose to live his or her life this way? Why would you choose to live your life this way instead of reaching for happiness? There are so payoffs for believing you cannot be happy. By giving power away, a person can be a victim, feel entitled to more and wait to be rescued. Realize none of the three beliefs brings about personal responsibility. All three lead a person to the VERBs in their life. Victimization, entitlement, rescue, blame someone else and none of them are I focused. People often continue in these modes of thinking and being for long periods, some never come to realize they have the personal power to change their lives to be happy. If someone mentions to them that they can change their life, they become very JADED. Justify, Argue, Defend and/or Explain why they are the way they are, or why their lives are this way.
Many times people act out trying to become happy with their life or themselves. They try to buy happiness (spending and debting addictions) seek happiness through pleasure (food, sex, drug and alcohol addictions), force happiness by trying to overcome their weaknesses (workaholism). They fall into worldly TRAPs.
TRAPs such as Power, Perfectionism, Control, Status, and Possessions. The problem is once we adapt to our pleasures or distractions by becoming accustomed to them, they lose their power to please us. These pleasures such as feasting, intoxicants, dancing, music, stories, sex, work success, material gain, and money eventually become mundane and dead. They only cover up our darkest fears of not being enough or having enough.
Instead, feelings of love, courage and optimism are actions, which produce a life of happiness and joy.
1. Love someone else - wholeheartedly, for the simple joy of loving.
2. Optimism - what hurts us or pleases also teaches us about life, about ourselves.
3. Courage - moving into the next moment even when we do not know what lies ahead.
4. Freedom - we have freedom in each moment to make a choice.
5. Pro-activity - Do not wait for someone else to make you happy, be pro-active in living each moment, each day.
6. Security - security comes from liking who you are and what you can do!
7. Health - express your feelings, find your words, live each moment making the best choices for your body, your heart, yourself.
8. Spirituality - be concerned about your fellowman and what you can contribute to the world. Connect each day with the source of your spiritual life.
9. Perspective. Realize there are always opposite sides to an opinion a belief, put life into perspective, don't sweat the small stuff, worry doesn't change anything it only gives you something worthless to do, change the way you see things or think about them. Learn to give thanks in all that you do and receive.
10. Altruism - get outside of yourself. Do something each day for others without any expectation of receiving anything in return.
11. Humor - Learn to laugh at life, laugh at yourself, and laugh at the sheer joy of being in each moment.
12. Purpose - know you are hear for a reason....to BE you!
Remember to appreciate each moment of your life. Even in loss, you can appreciate the preciousness of life.
Remember to appreciate, make choices, respect your personal power, lead with your strengths, use your words at work, in relationships and to keep you healthy, realize life is multi-dimensional.
When pain comes remember it will also bring joy. You have to be ready to receive Joy. If you can only receive pain then all you will know is pain. Let Joy come to you, reside with you, and be with you. You deserve a full and wonderful life.
When you are here, you will attract someone else who can appreciate you for the truly wonderful human being you are!
May you be blessed with health for your life, more wealth than you can account for and more JOY than your heart can hold.
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