What is the importance of Sex in a relationship?
When couples go into therapy there is a reason counselor's ask how often they are having sex. While frequency of sex maybe based upon a personal sex drive, it is also an indication of how well a couple has negotiated the differences in their sex drive. Everyone's sex drive is not the same. For one person once a day is sufficient and for another it maybe once a month. For the person whose sex drive is once a day this can translate into rejection or feelings of inadequacy. This is why communication about sexual frequency and who likes to be touched where are so crucial to being in a relationship. People who fail to communicate set themselves up for dissappointment.
The number one reason people are unhappy with their significant other is unmet expectations. Often our expectations are not reasonable, have not been communicated and are not flexible. The next reason is lack of communication. It is important to do more than just say no. Saying no I don't want sex tonight needs to be communicated in a way that the other person understands that it is all about you and not about them. There are many reasons both physically and emotionally that contribute to a lack of desire. Communication allows these reasons to surface so they can be dealt with directly.
So how well a couple has negotiated sexual frequency tells a therapist volumes about the relationship. Who gives into to whom? How well this giving transpires, whether or not there is resentment in the relationship? Or withholding?